That smell in the air, the cooling temperature, it can only mean.. Fall is here!! My favorite season of them all has arrived and this year I am actually going to enjoy it. Though I might be jumping the gun a bit. It is only not quite mid-August and only a few leaves have actually fallen. Technically, Autumn doesn't begin until September 21st anyway. Or is it 22nd? So yeah, the heat of our warm-globe summer might pop back in before Fall takes it's place on the throne. I hope not though.. A long autumn would be the best gift the earth could give me.

This makes me think though.. maybe I should hold off on trying to get a job. I'm going on a little trip to New York in September anyway and my job at Barnes & Noble kept me so preoccupied that I pretty much missed my favorite season last year. Some money would be nice but I still have a nice chunk in my bank account. At least enough to finance some smart shopping in the big apple.

Everyone has their secrets. Not necessarily skeletons in the closet (I hope not), but thoughts, feelings, memories that they keep to themself. Or at least don't make public. I have my share. But I am a pretty open guy.. for the most part. I've always been pretty candid and I try my best to remain so, despite the fear and apprehension that sometimes pressures me to close up. Which is why I have this thing; the next in a long line of personal journals and web logs detailing my life and the little things I'm not likely to tell everyone.

So why make an open-access blog to detail the most intimate aspects of my life? Simple enough, really: it is much easier to trust a stranger than those closest to you. Well.. maybe I should rephrase that? It is much easier for me to trust a stranger than those close to me. Strangers always seem innocent, harmless. What's the danger in imbuing them with a little bit of yourself? It's just one small piece of the large puzzle and they are in no position to really hurt you. They don't even know you! Me. I really need to stop doing that.

This might not be the most healthy way of thinking. And it may give the impression that I come from a pretty bad background if I find the people around me so untrustworthy. Really though, I think it has more to do with me and the way I work. My sign is Cancer and Cancers are known for being sensitive, temperamental even. Which is a fitting description for me. Things get under my skin and sometimes they stay there for a while. I realize that this character trait is not my destiny written in the stars, that it is something I can overcome with a little will-power and persistence. And believe me, I am working on it. But because of it, certain seemingly insubstantial events have left a mark and made me quite cautious when there is actually something at risk. But more on that later and I promise it will come up again.

Long story short, I am more comfortable communicating this way, for now. I hope that one day I will have someone, a very close friend or companion who I can look in the eyes and speak honestly with about the things that matter. My dreams, my hopes, my fears, my desires, my pain. And for now I choose to believe that one day, maybe soon, I will have that kind of companionship. I don't care what form it comes in; platonic, romantic, whatever. But I believe one day I will have that kind of closeness and trust with a real, live person. For now though, this is where those thoughts go.