Everyone has their secrets. Not necessarily skeletons in the closet (I hope not), but thoughts, feelings, memories that they keep to themself. Or at least don't make public. I have my share. But I am a pretty open guy.. for the most part. I've always been pretty candid and I try my best to remain so, despite the fear and apprehension that sometimes pressures me to close up. Which is why I have this thing; the next in a long line of personal journals and web logs detailing my life and the little things I'm not likely to tell everyone.

So why make an open-access blog to detail the most intimate aspects of my life? Simple enough, really: it is much easier to trust a stranger than those closest to you. Well.. maybe I should rephrase that? It is much easier for me to trust a stranger than those close to me. Strangers always seem innocent, harmless. What's the danger in imbuing them with a little bit of yourself? It's just one small piece of the large puzzle and they are in no position to really hurt you. They don't even know you! Me. I really need to stop doing that.

This might not be the most healthy way of thinking. And it may give the impression that I come from a pretty bad background if I find the people around me so untrustworthy. Really though, I think it has more to do with me and the way I work. My sign is Cancer and Cancers are known for being sensitive, temperamental even. Which is a fitting description for me. Things get under my skin and sometimes they stay there for a while. I realize that this character trait is not my destiny written in the stars, that it is something I can overcome with a little will-power and persistence. And believe me, I am working on it. But because of it, certain seemingly insubstantial events have left a mark and made me quite cautious when there is actually something at risk. But more on that later and I promise it will come up again.

Long story short, I am more comfortable communicating this way, for now. I hope that one day I will have someone, a very close friend or companion who I can look in the eyes and speak honestly with about the things that matter. My dreams, my hopes, my fears, my desires, my pain. And for now I choose to believe that one day, maybe soon, I will have that kind of companionship. I don't care what form it comes in; platonic, romantic, whatever. But I believe one day I will have that kind of closeness and trust with a real, live person. For now though, this is where those thoughts go.